This is a question many people struggle with answering themselves: How do we join with another and still maintain a good sense of “self?” It's no small task. But, it can be done with enough effort. If you find that you quickly lose your sense of self in a serious relationship, or any relationship, this post should help you to find your sense of self again.
The joining that happens when we fall in love feels really, really good. Too good. It is that ultimate sense of togetherness. The recognition of yourself in someone else's eyes. Love. There is absolutely nothing like it. However, with that same experience comes a whole set of challenges. It is not unheard of to feel like you are falling away from who you really are, what you like to do, or what makes you, you. All of the sudden we can be left feeling a little lost.
There is a very common reason this all happens:
With every relationship comes a sense of fear.
In fear, we automatically separate from our true selves. Fear makes us doubting, confused, and unable to operate without our partners. Fear also makes us feel smaller than we actually are, and it makes us act in ways that aren't quite authentic. Your ego is the part of your mind that operates from fear. One of it's main messages is: you are incomplete (and therefore not good enough). When we believe this message we start acting in ways to try to make up for this perceived lack. And in doing that, we lose ourselves.
That said, to fall in love is the most magnificent experience there is, and and it can also be the scariest. The reason the ego gets so activated by love is because it's fighting for it's life--it doesn't exist when you are in that state of oneness and bliss. If you do not identify as separate, incomplete, or lacking in some way, then the ego is out of a job. So, it gets really, really loud when your heart gets full. It is usually after moments of being in love with another that the ego really comes out of hiding. This is when we start to doubt, and fear, and basically freak out! Don't worry, nothing is actually wrong. You are just scared. And that is really, really manageable.
During these times of falling in love we must take extra special care to stay close to ourselves.
Very simply, you have to continue to go within yourself, make contact with your Soul, and remind yourself that you are ok. Lots of self check-ins; lots of deep breaths. As I always say, it's a universal desire for love to feel completely blissful without any challenges. But remember, these challenges are here so you can grow. If your fear did not get activated, you wouldn't have a chance to evolve passed it.
Love is the ultimate opportunity for self growth.
Here's what to do:
First, pay close attention to what is going on inside you. Consciousness is key. When you start to feel "off," notice it, and then make small changes to adjust your behavior and experience.
Do your absolute best to stay true to yourself and the things that you love. After all, there is a reason your partner fell in love with YOU! Indulge in the same hobbies and extras that have always been apart of you, keep family and friends close, and maintain an equal balance in your life, love, and friendships.
When you make a conscious effort to be more true to you in relationship your love will flourish.